Excellent, excellent....... Little Joseph has successfully gotten into his ninja costume. By now there can be no doubt in my mind that I will reap greater rewards than ever this year. However, some idiotic "Child Safety Laws" say that little Joseph will have to be accompanied by an adult. Ah well, I'm sure Mr. Kane will suffice for this job. Honestly_ stupid government. Do they even hold that much power? I miss the good old early 2oth Century, when the American government was controlled by oil, steel, and gunpowder magnates. Back then, all you needed to do was to have several million or billion dollars, and you already had a size-able percentage of the government that would do whatever you wanted. I distinctly remember doing that myself quite a bit, and I still have some $20 billion dollars left. Ah well, times change, but I was somewhat hoping that they would just change for everyone else!

Little Joseph is getting restive. Maybe next year, I should buy a TiVo to keep him distracted for a ----ing 5 minutes! He has insisted on helping me with my articles, so I have locked this newspaper from him. It will be a relief to get my faithful man-servant Mr. Kane to take him back to his parents' house. Wait, what's this..........? AAAAAAAH! HE GOT IN THROUGH THE DOOR! DEACTIVATE THE PRINTER QUUUUUUUICK! NO! NO! NOOOOOOO! It's too late. he's got i_ Hi my name is Joseph and I am 3 and my grumpy old grampa said I couldn't play with his newspaper but I never listen to him so anyway I got on and ooooooooooooh what does this do ooooooh cool hey grampa what's this button that says "advertising" do what's this banner say wow there are a lot of them BUY ALLEN'S APPLE JUICE A GLYSIN CARPET IS A CARPET YOU CAN RELY ON BUY NEW WINDOWS SOFTWARE FREE WITH A $50.00 DONATION CLEANS 70% WHITER THAN THE LEADING BRAND YOU NEED TO BUY THIS AMAZING PRODUCT THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITYYYYYYYYYYY_ Whew, I managed to unplug the printer. Well, all I can say is that he had better get a good haul this year or it's off to his parents' house for little Joseph. This child is more trouble than he's worth!

I have just finished carving my Jack-O-Lantern. I am sure that everyone will appreciate it when it is dropped onto their heads from my rooftop. I love Halloween. Now leave me to my nap, because I have plenty of ammo!

All Hallow's Eve (more commonly known as Halloween among you dirt-sniffing peasant commoners) is approaching, and I will dispatch my loyal grandson, J.S. Tirase, to go get candy for me. This ritual has been going since little Joseph was 2, and I see no reason to change it now. After all, why should I go out myself when I have a perfectly able little grandson to do it for me? He'll get more candy than I would, anyway. Admittedly, when I tried to Trick-Or-Treat in 1998, I did get a rather large amount of candy, but that was mainly because everyone fainted at the sight of me.

Nothing new to report here. The photographer finally managed to get a good picture of me, but that's about it. Now kindly leave me alone to my nap!

Stupid ---------- photo session. The photographer didn't get my good side, and he wants a re-shoot. All I can say is, if this keeps up, I might have to call in Mr. Kane.

What is it with these online aliases? I have been asked by my new secretary (I fired the old one) twice today to pose for a picture! I don't want my picture all over the internet, ---- it!