Mr. T Merges With AT&T Phone Company

Mr. T shocked viewers last week when he announced that his next venture would be as a spokesperson and professional enforcer for the AT&T phone company.

Said T, "Hey, some folks think that I'm beginning to lose my way. the last movie role I got had me as a policeman who used an extended "got my eye on you" metaphor. And then, out of nowhere, my Verizon account on my phone crashed. I pitied those fools so much I decided to apply for a job at AT&T. Plus, T, AT&T is a catchy name. Only one snag: I ain't gettin' on no plane." Indeed, Mr. T's first conference with Verizon on behalf of At&T ended up with the Verizon spokespeople sprawled on the floor moaning and with their ties removed and used to write in huge letters on the floor, "I pity these fools very much."

Mr. T isn't the only one enjoying the contract, as evidenced by one AT&T executive's words. Said the unnamed executive, "We're very pleased with this arrangement. However, we're currently trying to recruit the entire living members of the A-Team, so that we'll have an elite force ready to strike when Verizon finally attacks. Have you seen their ninja bodyguards over there?"

Verizon is taking the news that AT&T has formed an alliance with Mr. T surprisingly well. "We knew that this day would come", said one worker there. "We aren't worried about T alone. However, if AT&T gets the whole A-Team, that's when we'll start to worry. Even worse: T, A-Team, and AT&T. That is a catchy slogan."

Not only that, but Mr.T has begun to give AT&T new ideas for their communications. Said another spokesperson, "We've decided to use Mr. T's voice for anyone who uses our broadband communications. Just imagine how quickly we'll rocket to #1 if people who uses AT&T get to watch free episodes of The A-Team or T&T! We'll be the best phone company in the world!!!" Mr. T has already begun his work, stating that, "Those Verizon fools don't stand a chance. They won't gimme no back-talk. Not to Mr. T! Those fools don't deserve pity! I pity those fools– I pity them very, very much.