Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Spongebob Elected For President

By Junior Propagandist Joseph

Spongebob Squarepants, age 10, narrowly beat Squidward Tentacles, age 35, in a battle for the Presidency. Spongebob narrowly beat Squidward by 2 votes.

The furious Squidward demanded a recount, taking it to the Supreme Court, and biasing Spongebob on the grounds that he wasn't even 35. However, the law firm of Krabs and Cheeks secured a victory, on the grounds that cartoons are timeless.

Spongebob's campaign was marred by scandal, when it was discovered that Spongebob had been using a robotic double for several speeches, while the real candidate went backstage and flipped Krabby Patties.

Spongebob's inauguration went as planned, except for an assassination mishap. While Spongebob was taking the oath of office, it was discovered that the Chum Bucket, a local restaurant and rival of the Krusty Krab, where Spongebob's former job was located, was on wheels and had a rocket on the bottom. If the Secret Service had not shot at and destroyed the wheels, causing the bucket-shaped restaurant to capsize, our new president would be marred by an unseemly flat body. The attempted assassinator, a small protozoa, goes by the name of Sheldon-hee-hee J. Plankton. Regrettably, this dangerous plankton escaped, and anyone with information about his whereabouts should contact law enforcement.

Apparently, Squidward burst into tears upon learning of the election results. His fellow Republican, George W. Bush, patted him on the back, saying "There, there, buddy. There's always next time."

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