Friday, December 17, 2010

Apple's Plans To Conquer Earth Discovered

Apple has held a practical monopoly on the smartphone and tablet computer markets for the past years. However, startling evidence has recently come to light that the miniature computers are merely part of Apple's master plan for world domination.

This revelation was made when a 21 year old man, who asked to remain anonymous, discovered that, if you log on as Steve Jobs on either the iPhone or the iPad and type in the password "Gatessucks" you will get the master plan for Apple's attempt at total world domination, as well as 5 applications not downloadable on a conventional Apple computer.

The apparent goals of Apple's plan are thus: browser domination, computer domination, desktop domination, workplace domination, building domination, city domination, state domination, country domination, continent domination, world domination, solar system domination, galaxy domination, universal domination, parallel universe domination, and reality domination.

"Well, I must say that this comes as a bit of a shock", said one Apple programmer. "When Mr. Jobs requested for me to install the application I had no idea that that's actually what it did. I just assumed that it was a game or something. I should have realized how strange that is, especially since Mr. Jobs has no sense of humor."

Although details are not clear, it appears that Apple was planning to take over the minds of the countless Apple users all across the country and form them into a cyborg army controlled by Macintosh® computers.

Commented Bill Gates, "We should have seen this coming. With the smartphone industry under their control, literally nothing could stop Apple. When the police decide to arrest Jobs, I vote for the bailout fee to be handing back computer industry control to Microsoft. Oh, heck." said Gates.

"Forget I just said that. As a matter of fact, forget that I was ever here. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go prepare for war. Oh, wait. Forget I said that too. Just forget that this ever happened. Got it? I was never here, and neither were you!"

Steve Jobs refused comment on the grounds that he was creating another master plan for world domination.

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