Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Horse Hunts Down, Shoots Farmer

Farmers across the continent are locking their doors and loading their shotguns, as the news has arrived that a Wyoming Mustang has single-handedly hunted down and shot Farmer Brown, a wealthy Wyoming farmer who specializes in breeding racing horses.

According to the few eyewitnesses, the horse, known as Swiftfeet, attacked Farmer Brown when he arrived to feed him. The horse apparently had obtained a Howitzer gun, most likely through illicit purposes, and fired at the farmer, who vainly tried to strike the animal with his riding crop. Firefeet then shot the farmer some 27 times, having gotten several bullet packs. Farmer Brown was then trampled and shot again for good measure after Swiftfeet got to a safe distance.

Said Swiftfeet, "This guy was making me run 5 miles in 5 minutes just to get my meals. The other animals wanted freedom too, so I decided to do something. Man, you should have seen Farmer Brown's face after I blasted the barn doors off."

The other animals then escaped the farm, trampling several farm-hands in the process. 7 sheepdogs attempted to stop the rampage, but quickly joined them, helping to break and utterly destroy the entire fence, as well as a water tower.

Said one farmer upon hearing the news, "Huh. So the animals finally turned against us. Well, I'll just have to upgrade to a shotgun, 'stead of a wooden club. I'm not gonna worry. I have enough food right here in my barn. Matter of fact, I think I'm gonna go train my horse for the races right now. Gotta earn a living, even if I'm still very rich."

Animal control investigators have been upgraded in weapons and equipment in response to the breakout, and most of them now resemble heavily armed marines.

Said one investigator,"Something just doesn't add up. how'd that horse even fire that gun? Mark my words, there's something fishy going on, and I can assure you that we're going to get to the bottom of it."

Said another investigator, "A horse is a horse, of course of course, unless of course that horse is the famous Mr. Ed. As this horse is not the famous Mr. Ed, we know that this horse is a horse. Of course of course."

This investigator's interview was cut short when Swiftfeet and his small, but increasing, army of barnyard animals trampled him into the pavement.

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