Friday, December 10, 2010

Test Squadron of F-35 Fighter Jets Bombs Small Alaskan Town

The inhabitants of the small Alaskan city of Kupreanof cried foul Tuesday, when a squadron of experimental F-35 Lightning II fighter jets bombed their tiny city back into the Stone Age.

The town of Kupreanof is located off the eastern shore of Kupreanof Island in the Petersburg Census Area of Alaska, and is currently the smallest city in the state. By a 2000 count, there were 23 people residing there, less than the average school classroom.There are approximately 12 families residing there, and 6 households. The population density is 5.7 people per square mile. The population was outraged at the sudden bombing, which obliterated all 6 of the households and injured all 23 people.

Said one anonymous citizen, "We are outraged at this intrusion into our territory. I am intrigued by the fact that the planes were apparently testing out their various weapons. We will, of course, have a meeting with the Secretary of the Air Force as to how two experimental planes escaped and bombed our fair city into oblivion."

The Secretary in question, Michael B. Donley, replied that " The Air Force had nothing to do with this." Said Mr. Donley, "I assure you that we did not authorize this wanton destruction, and the fact that Kupreanof is an ideal testing ground for the Lightning ll should make no difference. What on Earth would make you think that we would take advantage of the fact that almost nobody even knows what Kupreanof is, and no one would miss it if it were destroyed?"

However, the Alaska National Guard is not so sure that the planes were stolen. "There are what, 15 of these things, and 5 of them magically disappear and reappear, wreaking havok on an ideal testing ground for these things? I don't think so." said officer Herbert Melthowick. " I can assure you that we'll be looking into this, and figuring out how these particular fighter jets ended up so far from home."

" So they're going to be nosing around our top-secret base, are they?", said Donley. "Then I'd just advise them to watch the skies."

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