Monday, December 6, 2010

Gladiatorial Games Reinstated in Summer Olympics 2012

The Olympic Games are a time-held tradition, and will be for years to come. However, every now and then, a new game is introduced. It appears that this pattern will continue into the 2012 Summer Olympics, with the introduction of gladiatorial games into the mix.

The games, consisting of a pair of trained fighters engaging in duels until one dies, will be "modernized", with the introduction of chain-saws, automatic rifles, and grenades. Said one organizer who asked to remain anonymous, "The regular summer sports: swimming, discus throwing, etc. etc. are boring. Where's the life threatening combat? Since London's already going to set the record of hosting the Olympic Games three times, why not set another record as well? So we decided to add gladiatorial games. And, just to make it more exciting, we've okayed the use of modern weapons, from machetes to smoke bombs. This year's Games will be more exciting than ever!"

But the concept still has its critics. Several athletes have withdrawn, stating that "I will not risk my life for the Olympics, no matter how great the prize." One London man, John Forstin, said that "These games have gone too far. There was a time, centuries ago, where this kind of sport was encouraged. I am seriously thinking of not attending the Olympics this year, if I have to watch people dismember themselves and die in terrible agony."

According to another organizer, the gladiatorial games will start with the athletes choosing their respective weapons, and then will be randomly selected to duel. The round will end when one combatant is dead, and will then start another round.

Said one athlete, who requested to remain anonymous, "I'd do it. I'm pretty sure I can take 'em. Anyway, there's compensation if you die. You get $100 just for participating, and you get double that if you die. Yeah, most people probably won't do it, but that just means less competition for us. It seems like a good gamble, and I think that we can all agree that, even if we all don't participate, these games will be the most exciting ones ever!"

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