The Board of Kung-Fu Masters has, this Tuesday, announced that they will not teach any new students.
Said Mr. Miyagi, "How many times in the past years has a great prodigy in kung-fu turned against his elderly master? We have had enough. We will not teach any new students." "Beggar So" So Chan agreed. "There are so many prodigies who have turned to the dark side that it is not even funny! We have decided to take direct action against the perpetrators!" Shaolin monk Han-San-Ki said that, though regrettable, the ban was necessary.
"Too many prodigies have turned to the dark side. We cannot afford any more." The American public has expressed outrage at the ban. "We want to learn kung fu, so why can't we?" asked one anonymous protester. "What's wrong with wanting to know how to defend ourselves?"
To combat this, the Board has decided to assign every person their own private ninja bodyguard. "It should work, I'm pretty sure it'll work," said Jackie Chan. "Of course, there aren't actually that many ninja out there in the first place, and I suppose we'll have to train new people to become ninjas, which would break the ban, which would mean people wouldn't need ninja bodyguards........Oh well. It sounded a lot better in the drawing room." Rumors that Obi-Wan Kenobi's ghost had a part in enacting and formulating the ban have not yet been confirmed.
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