President Warns America of Munchkin Army Threat

America has stood the test of time through wars, the Great Depression, and Communists. But, the President warns, none of these may be as great a threat as the Munchkin Army.

Said President Barack Obama, "These 'Munchkins' conceal a greater threat than the Communists. Beneath their adorable exterior lies an evil mind plotting world domination. There are millions of Munchkins, and more are being born each day. When they decide to strike, America must ask whether it is ready, and must answer with a resonant 'yes!'"

"The Munchkin, a stage of adolescence when someone realizes that they are not the center of the universe, but before they lose their cuteness, is a dangerous stage," explained one leading psychologist who refused to be named. "Naturally, they are angry at the world, and that, combined with their irresistible cuteness, makes them a force to be reckoned with. I shudder to think what would happen if someone organized them and put their supernatural powers to good use."

This threat was first assessed Monday morning, when an elite squad of Munchkins broke into the Pentagon. They very nearly managed to steal the top-secret plans for an Anti-Munchkin Laser before they were captured and sentenced to 20 minutes on time-out. The Munchkins were very well-organized, and equipped with acid-squirting milk-bottles and grenade rattles.

Police are questioning who funded the project. Said one officer, "Even at the point where Munchkins know what's going on, they still aren't organized enough to attempt a break-in at the Pentagon. Most Munchkins would just toddle in when a guard came out, but these dropped in from a helicopter. How'd they even learn how to fly the thing?"

Many people are asking the same thing. "Munchkins are cute, but they don't have this kind of training", said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. "I can assure you, we'll be looking into who funded and trained these Munchkins. If they could break into the Pentagon, they could declare war, and the fact that they attempted to destroy our plans for the Anti-Munchkin Laser is telling. If they do declare war on the rest of the world, America, at least, will be ready."