Warning! By Reading This Article, You Are Legally Bound
And Must Obey The Terms Listed
_By Reading This Article, I, ______, Being of Sound Mind and Sound Body, Agree To All The Terms Listed Herewith. I Accept That Any Deviation Is Grounds For Up To A 50,000 Fine and That If Such A Fine Is Incurred, I Promise To Legally Pay It Off Within A Period Of 31 Days. I Am Not Eligible For Legal Counsel In This Case, As I Have Read And Agreed To The Statements Listed Within.
I Hereby Do Accept The Terms Of This Contract,
Firm Of Tirase, Tirase, and Mentin
_I Agree That, By Reading This Contract, I Draft Myself Into Propaganda Central Staff For A Period Of 5-50 Years**.
_I Agree To Donate Any Funds Secured By Myself, (i.e. My Job, Or Any Other Context Involving The Securing Of Money) To Propaganda Central, In Exchange For Lodging.
_I Agree That, If I Cannot Perform Any Of The Prior Tasks, I Put Myself In Penal Servitude To Propaganda Central For A Minimum Of 10 Years***.
_I Agree That If I Break This Contract, I Will Be Fined A Minimum*** Of 50,000 Dollars And/Or A Minimum Of 20 Years In Jail.
_I Agree To Serve Mr. Tirase Faithfully For The Duration Of My Years****. All Hail Mr. Tirase, Our Bearded Saviour. All Hail Mr. Tirase. All Hail Mr. Tirase. All Hail Mr. Tirase. All Hail Mr. Tirase. All Hail.......
_I Agree That I Am Not Entitled To Legal Counsel If The Contractor Behaves Unfairly, As I Have Agreed with This Contract And Its Terms, No Matter How Unfair They May Be*****.
_I Hereby Agree To Join Joseph's Munchkin Army When He Begins To Enlist Officers For His Plan To Steal America's Gold Reserves******.
_I Hereby Agree To Give Mr. Tirase's Grandson Joseph Access To All Of My Most Prized Toys, Games, And Movies*******.
Your Bailout Fee: $200,000,000 or £150,000,000
*This Contract Should Not Be Taken Seriously, Unless you Have Read It.
**By 5-50, The Contract Means, '5-550'.
***Maximum Of 5,000,000, (Dollars, Years, etc. etc.)
****"Unfair" Meaning "Taking Both Home, Money, Life, and Soul."
*******I Wonder How Joseph Managed To Get To My Typewriter. I Really Must Move It.